girl scout cookies

Delicious, but deadly.

For serious. Within arms reach are one box each of Thin Mints, Peanut Butter Patties, Lemon Pastry Cremes, and Caramel deLites. It's hard to decide which is more delicous, though I'm partial to the Caramel deLites. Whichever way you look at it though, their temptation is deadly. Damn girlscouts probably put cocaine in their cookies to keep us coming back for more. Either that, or lots of sugar. Sugar might do it too. I've heard sugar's a big ingredient in cookies. And seeing as I've had a pretty vicious sweet tooth all my life, it might be an indication that the overabundance of sugar in these cute little cookies is what keeps me reaching to that shelf to my right where I've lined up my four boxes of cookies. Damn girl scouts. What did girl scouts ever teach any girl anyway? Valuable hunting skills for the apocalypse? I doubt it. Frankly, I don't know. I didn't even pay attention in Cub Scouts, so how am I supposed to know what the girl scouts learned? The Cub Scout motto was something about pledging your best to help the girl scouts get undressed. How old were we then? Like 8? Already the pressure to take advantage of girls was mounting. And unfortunately for me & those around my age, we went to school when grunge was the big thing, so all the chicks were wearing flannel & baggy pants. ....I still feel ripped off. Now, kids are giving blowjobs in study hall, constantly. Back in my day, I had to sneak into the rafters of the auditorium to beat off during study hall. Not like I did it regularly, but I just did it once or twice because, you know, I could. I know I'm not alone here, right?

Anyway, these girl scout cookies apparently make me think of masturbation. Then again, it's like 6 degrees of masturbation. Give me any topic, and within 6 leaps of logic, I can tie it into spanking the monkey.