Delay in Pretzel Rod Delivery

The superimportant endless stash of pretzel rods, which admittedly are stale from time to time, seems to have ceased. The staff here is unaware of the cause of the cessation of our pretzel rod deliveries, and our supplies have been bare for a week now. The immigrant child laborers are going hungry. The pretzel rods were all I fed them. Now they have to spend their nickel-an-hour salary at the greek cart across the street, where apparently, the cart guy takes pity on them and gives them a falafel for that nickel. Sucker. If anyone has any information on the whereabouts of our pretzel rod shipment, please call 311.

Kegel Excersizes for...

Kegel excersizes for car trips! Dad up in the front driving to Grandma's for Christmas, sis nodding off in the back...guess what I'm doing?

Kegel excersizes for meetings! "Ken, did you get the files from Jerry for next week's update? ...Ken?"
"Huh? What? Oh (release)...yeah, sure I did (squeeze)."

Kegel excersizes for the subway! Doors close, vacant stares set in, 15 reps, 5 seconds each. It's not often that superimportant is on the subway, so we don't know what to do to occupy our time.

Kegel excersizes in church on Christmas Eve! Because I've got to distract myself SOMEhow.

Kegel excersizes for the bike shop! Because I'm part of the team now, and we've got reputation to uphold for excellence in all things.

Kegel excersizes for meetings, again! There really isn't enough to do in meetings. Text messaging is too obvious. Sketching is old hat - and pretty obvious. Sleeping is just uncool and difficult to pull off, especially since the eyeballs I drew on my eyelids are not very convincing.

Kegel excersizes for blogging! That's right everybody. I'm doing them RIGHT NOW. Think about it.

I can't wait for these flowers to die

Jesus Christmas, I'm not allergic or anything, but these flowers are giving me a headache. I'm secretly convinced that the Jersey girl assistant to the mutant management behind all the glass doors perfumes the damn things every morning, because nothing NOTHING should smell so nice for so long, so strongly. Every time someone walks by, the gust of wind carries this pleasant odor right into my nose, where it goes straight to my head, and makes it hurt. I'm going to have to step up my rampant farting just to compensate. At least I enjoy that smell.