Training kids not to bite their fingernails

Instructional manuals like these might come in handly later in life, actually. To my coworker, for instance. Smack, smack smack, suck suck suck...that's the sound of him biting his fucking fingernails all day long. Biting the nails, eating off the skin. Or something. Who really knows what nailbiters do? Or why the hell they do it? But for crying out loud, it's almost as bad as having to stand next to a couple smooching on the subway for your entire ride. Smack smack smack, suck suck suck. Get a fucking room. To you, my coworker, I'm going to figure out a way to dip your fingernails in formaldehyde so next time you freakin CHEW on them , it makes you throw up. Violently. maybe I'll have the people at the sandwich shop coat their bread with poison, just for you. Until I figure out a way to do that, just freakin' stop! It's driving me crazy. And it's disgusting. You're not a baby. And I went to one of those baby sites - it said to give you something else to occupy your hands - like a little plush doll or something. Well, I'm not going to give you a plush doll . I think it's a little inappropriate at this time in our lives. Plus, I don't think you'd get the hint. What the hell is wrong with you anyway?