These are the best pens in the world

In Superimportant's tireless quest to take the pain & frustration out of your life, we present to you the conclusive conclusion on what we know for you has been a painful, tiring quest. We can say with authority that Uni-ball Vision pens are the best. That's it. The best. The best what? Pen. The best pen. Nothing more needs to be said.

But we'll say more. For years, we have used these pens for our stunning & groundbreaking artwork. Let us remind you that we buy these pens in bulk at Staples. Not some fancy art store where they try to convince you that moleskine is worth it, but Staples, where no one gives a crap about anything you do. The smooth, unbroken line is not as variable in weight as you can get with a traditional fountain pen, but with a light touch and some persistence, one can achieve a variety of density with this low cost pen.

The color is solid and deeply black. At times, the wet ink may smudge, but that's only because we have this way of writing where it looks like we're a lefty, but we use our right hand. People have been pointing and laughing at us because of this for years. It's a source of great humiliation, so we'd appreciate it if you didn't really bring it up.

Furthermore, and this is important, we now now that when you inevitably leave your pen in the pocket of your shorts when doing your laundry, it will not burst, completely ruining all of your clothes. Which brings me to a point about cargo shorts and why maybe we'll just give up on them and wear plaid golf shorts from now on. Who really needs all those pockets anyway? And how are we supposed to remember what's in all of them? How many washed $20 bills is it going to take? How many packs of Now & Laters stuck to my ass is it going to take? How many cellphones have to be lost to the unforgiving maelstrom of the 24 hour laundromat? Enough with the pockets! As if it wasn't hard enough figuring out what that mystery inner pocket inside the right front pocket is all about. It hurts my fingers to try & get errant change out of that inexplicable thing.

In conclusion, just go with the uni-balls. But don't shop at Staples during the week before college starts. It's a goddamn madhouse in there.