Stop being lazy readers, lazy readers.

You know, the superimportant staff slaves for long, very poorly paid hours day, night, and weekends to bring you breaking news and groundbreaking reporting . (And when I say "slave", I'm really not joking. You should see the conditions these poor kids have to work in. I'd almost feel sympathetic for them, if they didn't have such bad attitudes about it.) Often, our newsbriefs redefine brief, but our theory is that you don't need to be too wordy to get the point across. Keep it concise and to the point. Brevity is the soul of wit. Ignorance is Bliss. Something like that. But every so often, we bring you a great feature, filled with pearls of wisdom and awesomeness. For instance, "Bad Things Happen when you leave the city", and "Minor Revolutions". These are award winning pieces of literature. Unfortunately, the Pulitzer committee is filled with retards & hos, so we can be sure we won't ever receive proper, adequate recognition. That's why we turn to you, our readers. And what do you pieces of trash do? You probably stare at it with your Frankestein like gaze, see more than a paragraph, and belch out "hnggghh...too many words" between shotguns of PBR, and look for something with more pictures. Well let me tell you something, readers, pictures are for kids. This is superimportant.