Caffiene doesn't work

However, maybe i'm just not trying hard enough. Maybe I shouldn't have taken that preemptive nap after work. Maybe what you need to do is force your way through your body's instinct to shut down, disregarding whatever harm may come, and charge like a .... hey, I won't send that email about how I just noticed that the main image of the dude who's website I'm designing is of him standing in front of some fine art - fine full frontal nudity art, boobs all up in your face is what I'm talking about. Maybe it's just that hour where those things cease being fine art and start becoming porn. I mean, it's art, but do we want boobs all up in ya'lls face when you go to this guy's website? It's not a porn site, in case you're wondering. Although his food is orgasmic, really. He's a chef.

So, the point is, caffiene doesn't work. I'm a runaway freight train. This is how I imagine caffiene should be working: somewhat like PCP, where I've been told it gives you superstrength and you can like, flip cars and toss kegs over walls, and compete in Celtic fest competitions. Building longboats with Viking dragons on it & stuff. O. Caffiene would basically be like doing pullups all the time. Instead of my bike being partially camoflauged, it's wheel detached, half of a cardboard discwheel half attached to it...instead of that, my bike would be fully camoflauged, and I'd have already taken a photoshoot of it. Also, this chef's website would be uploaded. And my film would be fully edited and I'd have four arms to push play on the four DVD players that are going to play it at the same time. If caffiene TRULY worked, my couches wouldn't be askew and there wouldn't be boxcutters & x-acto knives on the floor of my living room. My resume would also likely be floating through the tubes that make up the internet and instead of spending the last two minutes watching Transformers stop-action videos, I would've actually found the video of that senator trying to describe the internet as a series of tubes.

All those tubes would be pointed back to my up-to-date website portfolio, as well.