Here's some crutches, feel better

Science & medicine have not progressed quite as far and quite as dramatically as I might have hoped. I was under the impression that X-rays didn't just show you spooky looking pictures of your bones, but went all *CLUNK* *CLUNK* *CLUNK* and microwaved your ankle sprain back to normal. Apparently, that's not the case. Apparently, the emergency room can't even really give me some high powered pain killers for that time yesterday that Ch0mb0, my teammate, tried to disable me. I can only hope that I took out a few spokes when I threw my mallet at his wheel.

But man, seriously. Where's that box that you stick your arm, or leg, or back into, and it fixes you? You know what? I'll even push back the plans for the slingshot so that Science can make this box. I mean, you've got microwaves that you can push "potato" or "pasta" on, and poof! you've got a plate of pasta. Where's the microwave that says "Irritable Bowel Syndrome" or "Hives"? The future is dissapointing. My cellphone didn't even work in the ER. I had all sorts of hilarious text messages to send out. Like "Thanks for the mallet, Jarrett. It's a good crutch". HAHAHAah HAh. Hah. h. ...

If the fixitall box really existed, I would've been able to avoid the inconvenience of fumbling through the Rite Aid for a box of Advil. Not surprisingly, walking in on crutches doesn't make anyone else in the store less retarded. I'm pretty sure "Excuse me" is well understood by just about anyone, even if English is not your first language. Not in Drug Stores.

I would've missed out on the next hilarious interchange at the coffee shop down the street though. The young barista couldn't help but ask me what happened, as he sees me hobble in with a weird looking mallet sticking out of my bag. "I was playing bike polo, and I had a little spill."

"What? Bike Polo?"

"Oh. Yeah, it's like polo on bikes. Can someone bring me this coffee?"

"Yeah, of course"

A few minutes later, I hear murmurs from the end of the bar.... "Bike Polo? Yeah, Bike Polo. I've never heard of that. Sounds dangerous. Murmur murmur murmur. Well there you go..."