Fuck matter transporters, fuck moving sidewalks and the monorail, fuck short range jets landing in central park. Matter transporters only turn you into flies, and the monorail has all these dudes dressed up in Mouse suits on it, posing for pictures with you & your kids. A few years ago, that line would've read "pictures with you and your mom" but superimportant is getting old, and has to face reality. And the reality is that short range jets won't work either. What we need is a giant slingshot, so we can just launch ourselves to Greenpoint after we're done having dinner in Hell's Kitchen.
This slingshot would either come with complimentary parachutes or complimentary fat suits to pad the landing. To be honest, we haven't really thought out the landing part yet. But how magical would it be to be suddenly flying through the air with your date, watching the sparkling city pass below you. These are precision slingshots, of course. There won't be collisions. It'd use Google maps. Those dudes can pretty much do everything. I mean for god's sake, look: It's the polo court Unbelievable, right? I'm sure google could figure out how to sling you anywhere from anywhere. It's simple math anyway. We figured this out in 11th grade calculus. Totally.
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