JK, LOL, I didn't sleep with your mom...yet

The superimportant dashboards were LIT UP for DAYS following the expose "hugging is like a gateway drug". At least, that's what a certain superimportant staffer was telling us, but that kid grew up dropping acid, and we suspect him of being a zombie anyway. He just lurches around and never takes his day's nickel whenever we give it to him. Then there was this one time he showed up with a giant jar labeled "bits'o'brains" and sat there all day dipping them in barbecue sauce. That was weird. But his grunts and moans are highly effective customer support, so we keep him around. Plus, he isn't costing us anything, so whatever.

Anyway, apparently you superimportant readers have been concerned that the licentious nature of the superimportant executive staff has finally made it's way into the annals of ink, for the whole world to feast upon it's delightful debauchery. Maybe it's that awkward, uncharacteristic breach of privacy that kept you from posting comments on what I thought was a hilarious post. Well fear not, fearful readers! That post was just an allegory. Or a metaphor. Something like that. The point is, the naked life of superimportant is limited primarily to the fact that all of our work is done naked. Like right now. I'm naked. Think about it. And leave comments.

And, I didn't do it with your mom. But I totally would. I mean, who wouldn't? More importantly, who hasn't already? Sheesh.

who wants a cookie?

Anybody? They're three for a dollar, but I couldn't eat all three of them, really. I got one of each: an oatmeal raisin, an..uh...regular cookie with White Chocoloate chips & some nuts, and a chocolate cookie with white chocolate chips. Take your pick. ... ... Ok. Well I'm going to have the oatmeal raisin. I love oatmeal raisin. But you can have whichever one you want. ok. alright. well. better hurry up, because I'm just going to end up eating another one. OK then, only the chocolate cookie is left. But seriously, you're welcome to it. Go ahead. I don't. I mean, I don't want to eat all of the cookies. That's just gluttonous. It's just sitting there you know. No, I'm not going to eat it. I don't want to eat all the cookies. So go ahead, take one. It's on me. Alright. OK. I. Hmm. I guess I'll. I guess i'll just have this.

I carbo-loaded because I couldn't stop

Are there any races coming up in say, the next day? Nope. But I bet I could run to work tomorrow if I wanted to. Cuz I just had a big plate of pasta, and then cooked up some pillsbury biscuits that I had lying around for the next time I try not to burn my apartment down trying to make Monkey Cake. And I'm almost finished with them. They're so good. Apparently, the suggested serving of three contains 29grams of carbohydrates. Is that even a lot? I don't know. A good friend once asked me how often I make food decisions based on calories or carbs or...something. And I realized that never in my life have I ever made a conscious decision on that. I am ignorant of what's in food. Maybe, were I a fat lazy dipshit, I should be concerned. Turns out I'm awesome though, so there's nothing I should be worried about.