What's up with all these men grappling me?

Pablo, Brad, what the fuck? What makes these guys toss me to the ground and lock their bodies around mine until I'm immobilized? Did I come back from Europe with makeup on or something? I don't get it. Furthermore, I think I have soft ribs or something. At some point in these two short battles in which I was clearly bested, it appears that I have fractured another rib. This time in my back, near the shoulder blade? How do I know this? Because it hurts like fuck and I can barely move. I've got to stop doing these things - they're not the most hetero moments of my life, either.